Last Sunday during Orthros, I looked across the nave of our small mission from the chanter’s stand while someone else was chanting for a moment. My gaze rested on an icon of Christ, which was annoyingly partially obstructed by one of two metal poles in the middle of our mission which holds up the building.
I took the name Thomas, after the Apostle, at my baptism into Orthodoxy, because I really understood Thomas’ hesitancy to believe unless he could have the Resurrection proven to him. I often struggle with doubts, though with time, my faith is growing stronger and more resilient (as Thomas’s also did).
As I looked at the obstructed icon, it just reminded me of how often something gets in the way of my “view” of God. I felt a bit of annoyed frustration that morning, a bit irritated that doubts arise, that various things make it difficult to believe, or to thrive, in ones relationship with God.
It was then, only a few seconds after I first noticed the pole, that I realized what the icon was. It was the icon of the Bridegroom, an icon that has always called us to repentance as we enter into Holy Week, reminding us of the extreme humility of Jesus Christ. It was then that it dawned on me that the biggest obstacles to my relationship with God are not “things out there,” but “sin in here.” The “poles” that block my view of a clear image of God, in other words, are not located geographically halfway between God and myself; they are almost always between us, but within my own heart and mind.
We often want more “proof” of God’s existence or of the truth of the Gospels. What I understand as I live longer, is that sin is far more powerful than proof. “Blessed are the pure in heart, for they shall see God.”
Good to read.
Blogging again?